Today was the first day of a shiny new future, it seemed like, because today was the first work day after leaving my previous job...and I didn't go to work. Because my new job is affording me something I've desperately ached for since the moment James was born: more time at home, being just a mom to just my kid.
It looks so silly typed out, and like it shouldn't be a big deal. But it is. To me. I was not always as grateful as I should've been for the job I just left, because on paper it was great: earn an income while still getting to be with my own child. (I was a nanny.) But for three years I worked outside my home for nearly 10 hours a day, five days a week; and that and other reasons wore me out. Now, I've found a different family to work for, and while my pay has decreased, so have my hours - and my whole outlook on life has brightened. I feel a hundred pounds lighter. I feel so grateful for this tremendous blessing. Today I did just my own family's laundry, I sewed, I painted, and I took my son to the zoo, just me and him. It was heavenly. We walked and explored with his little hand in mine, and it was just us, and I praised heaven for allowing me that moment. I realize it's silly, that it shouldn't be any different because I'm with him every day anyway, but for the first time in a long time I felt like this burden was lifted, and I was allowed to be the mom I want to be, and spend time with my son without all these other negative feelings weighing me down. I let myself relax; we did whatever he wanted to do, and we could do things our way, however we pleased.
It probably won't be long before we settle in to the new routine and life becomes life again, and I feel the stress of a lower income weigh me down. But I'm grateful for right now anyway. I'm grateful for a new moment.
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